What's a normal orgasm? Is it clitoral, vaginal,
G-spot, multiple or fake? In fact the truth lies somewhere in all of the above!
The female orgasm is a complex issue and highly individual. A woman describing
what it is that makes her have an orgasm and what it feels like is describing
something completely unique to her and if she is discussing this issue with her
friends they may all find it extraordinary. There are however a few
generalities e.g. most women find that an emotional connection is important, in
contrast to many men. You've heard the comment that when it comes to sex men
just need a place but women need a reason!
It's also true that most women need clitoral
stimulation if they are going to have an orgasm. This usually means that
ordinary missionary position intercourse, no matter how long he goes on for,
may not provide the right stimulation needed and the woman may never have an
orgasm like this. In fact it is quite common for women never to have an orgasm
from penile trusting. I've seen many women that are anxious and worried because
they can have an orgasm from manual stimulation or from oral sex, but they just
can't seem to have an orgasm during intercourse. Some of these women may try
all types of techniques and vibrators and even Viagra in the effort to try and
have an orgasm during penile trusting intercourse, but it just does not happen.
This is such a common phenomenon that it should really be considered as
completely normal. Of course there are various techniques described in sex
books that can increase the chances of an orgasm during intercourse with their
partner. These usually involve stimulation of the clitoris while the penis is
in the vagina either by herself or her partner and stopping clitorial
stimulation shortly before orgasm with her partner continuing with the penile
trusting. This calculated manipulation, however, can take all the fun out of
the sexual experience and the whole thing can become goal orientated and lose
the emotional dimension. The clitoris is a small pea size structure at the
front of the vaginal opening and is usually covered by a small piece of skin
called the clitoral hood. This area is extremely sensitive and some women find
the clitoris so sensitive that they don't like it being touched in the early
stages. It can also become very sensitive just after an orgasm. It's therefore
a very good idea to use a lubricant during clitoral stimulation. There are some
superb sex lubricants available from web sites, sex shops and even normal
chemists. One of the best currently available is Sensilube. This gives a nice
silky, liquid feel to the area. It also takes away some of the friction and
provides some good lubrication if the woman is in any way concerned that
lubrication may not be adequate.
The G-Spot is a mythical, ephemoral
location on the front wall of the vagina about 3 inches up i.e. about a finger
height. Some women describe this area as extremely sensitive and when it's
stimulated they get heightened sensation. Obviously this area is maximally
stimulated during rear entry intercourse. Some women also describe the
sensation of female ejaculation where they feel some liquid emerges from this
area. However, it is important to realize that most women do not describe such
a sensitive area and there is a great deal of controversy over whether
something like a G-Spot actually exists. Again, it is important to point out
that many women reading sex books or watching programmes like "Sex in the City"
can think there is something wrong with them if they haven't experienced the
G-Spot! Relax, enjoy the pleasure, don't go searching in exasperation for
something that may not even exist.
What about multiple orgasms? Well of
course they exist but many women never have a multiple orgasm and therefore
shouldn't feel in any way pressured or abnormal in not experiencing this.
Most orgasmic
difficulties arise from mental blocks that have been generated during childhood
and early adolescence. Many families still see sex as something not to be
talked about or even worse, something to be avoided and frowned upon and
regarded as unpleasant or dirty. This negative conditioning easily programmes
susceptible young minds into regarding sex as something associated with guilt,
shame and anxiety. You only have to look at all the nonsense about masturbation
and all the illnesses it was supposed to cause in bygone days. How on earth is
someone going to learn to have an orgasm with a partner if they can't even have
one on their own in the comfort of their own room, with no other person
present. If a woman cannot overcome her own inhibitions enough to be able to
masturbate herself to orgasm how is some man, who barely knows her anatomy, and
her likes and dislikes, supposed to be able to provide the right kind of
stimulation? All of the techniques described in sex books to help her obtain an
orgasm focus heavily on the woman learning what she likes and eventually
learning on her own how to create an orgasm. One of the best books in this area
is "Becoming Orgasmic" by Lo Piccolo and Heinman. However, there are many books
available in all books shops more or less all describing the same techniques
and many recommend using a vibrator.
There are plenty of web sites where you can browse through and
get some idea of what's available and what might suit you. Thankfully, many
vibrators are now designed by women and some are even shaped to fit against the
vulval area and clitoris with no penetration at all!! Definately a female
design! FP sales (The Family planning association) catalogue called SEXWARE
have some of these at www.FPSales.co.uk E-mail:
sales@fpsales.co.uk. Another good UK
site for sex toys and excellent videos is
www.blissbox.com.
Desire is also is also important for normal function and many
women go through phases of loss of desire in their life. Most women in a long
term relationship need to feel loved and cherished and attractive. In many
relationships the men simpley take her for granted and stop doing all the
things they used to do in the early days that made the woman feel special. An
inevitable consequence is loss of desire and couples need to work together to
keep this romantic part of their relationship alive. It is also common for
women to feel loss of desire after having a baby, but this has as much to do
with absolute fatigue and exhaustion as anything else. Many women are still
doing everything i.e working outside the home, doing all the childcare and
still doing all the housework! Is it any wonder when they finally flop into bed
that they are exhausted and are less than enthusiastic when their partner
suggests sex! I tell most of my male patients that unless they do housework
they don't deserve to have sex! Couples, especially those with children need to
plan sometime for them to be together without the children on a regular weekly
basis. Also, the odd week-end away, for just the two of them can be a huge
benefit to the whole family. A satisfying sexual relationship between the
parents creates a loving home atmosphere that the children can unconsciously
detect. So even though it may feel selfish at the time, it's critical that the
parents don't neglect their relationship.
When it comes to keeping desire alive it
is important to try and keep sex on the mind, there are good web sites that
supply various sexual aids that can liven up the sexual experience. There are
good books e.g. by Nancy Friday describing female sexual fantasies and books by
Rachel Swift i.e. Satisfaction Guaranteed (what every woman wants in bed). It
is useful to buy books to keep sex on the mind and improve techniques and allow
experimentation. The same old routine can induce boredom which is the biggest
passion killer.
|
|